New Life'n

Want to help me put a little dent in discouragement?

I'm looking for a few readers for "From Beer to Eternity," a Kindle ebook of how a life can change radically. That life was mine, and by the way, I think everyone should write their story.

This is a little backwards -- usually you ask for readers before the writing is done, to get feedback to make it better, and I'll probably do that in the future.

In this case the ebook is already written and edited. It's an update, expansion, and refinement of the link on the sidebar on the right.

I'm looking for feedback that I can use in the book description on Amazon, so when potential readers see the book they immediately see what others think.

Your words could influence someone to get the ebook and read it and then who knows what might happen. I know what happened with me and it changed my life. You could be a small part of that with someone else.

You don't have to write a review on Amazon -- it's not there yet (but I'd love for you to do that when it gets there!). Just send me an honest review of what you read. I'll pick a few words to include on the book page. No promises that I'll use yours, but know I'll read it and it will help.

You don't have to say something good, but I'm obviously going to pick good ones (if I get any) for the book page because, you know, I want people to read the book!

It might be more interesting to you if you're familiar with addiction, either your own or someone you care about. You can read it in an hour or less.

I'll send you a simple PDF of the ebook. That doesn't mean you're committed -- you don't have to do anything, and I won't follow up with you. Just write a review if you want to.

If you want the free PDF and know darn well you won't write a review, that's great too -- I'd love for you to read it. Just ask and don't feel guilty. And feel free to pass it on to anyone you want.

You can request the PDF by emailing me at garysmorland-at-gmail-dot-com. Then if you write a review, just send it to the same email. I thank you, and future encouraged addicts and their families and friends thank you.

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(You can also get "Scary Hope: Courage and a kick to hug hope, face fear, and get going" on Kindle now for 99-cents. Read it all in 75 minutes and be encouraged)

Clueless doggie

Doesn't she know when she tugs and strains and pulls on the leash it just makes me shorten the leash and give her less freedom?

She insists on stopping to sniff. She insists on going the other way. She insists on being in charge of our walk.

The insisting is what I react to.

The more you insist, and the more independent you are, the less freedom you get

On other occasions she pauses and looks up at me and I know she's asking to slow down or go this way. I don't mind that. I kind of like it. She respects me and knows she needs my permission. That's good. Makes me feel close to her. Often my reaction is, "Sure, friend, we can go that way . . ."

But bullheadedness and independence--as if it doesn't matter what I want--I hate that. I fight her over that. I'll bet she thinks I'm unreasonable and against her.

It's amazing how much freedom I give her when I can trust her to stick with me and respect my will.

Does God ever seem unreasonable and against you?

Maybe you’re getting the short leash.

Chill. And run.

You are a created thing. You didn't make yourself up. You're not your own idea.

Your maker knows how he made you. He knows your strengths, your weaknesses, your pace, your abilities, your potential, your limits. Did you ever think that maybe he did it on purpose? All of it?

He knows the level of your ability to deal with life depending on yourself (your natural ability), and depending on him (your supernatural ability). Did you ever think that he limited your ability so he could make up the difference?

He engineered placing you in your family, with those parents and siblings, or without any of them. And he engineered your school and friends and job and marriage, or the lack of them. He's overseen, or permitted, all your experiences and circumstances. 

He created time, and how it moves, and how much there is. Weeks, days, hours, and minutes are the same for everyone. He knows what's available to you today for any moment, for any project, for your life. He knows every interruption and glitch.

He knows the assignment he's given you and what it's for. He knows everything involved and needed to do it. He knows it's YOUR assignment, and he gave it fully aware of you and the time available.

Knowing all this, what's the stress? Where's that come from? Chill.

And why are you letting discouragement drag you down? Run.

What if they're NOT Martians?

Say you're attacked by Martians. They're little green men, they're acting aggressively, and there's a large red "M" on the side of their spaceship.

It would be normal for you to defend yourself.

You've seen War of the Worlds. So you fight. And you lose. Or maybe you win and go "whew!"

Later, amidst the carnage of battle, you discover they aren't Martians at all. They're from the planet Maloomba.

And that aggressive behavior you observed was not aggressiveness -- it's normal conduct on their planet as they go about daily life. What looked like weapons are tools they use to survive and do their work. To them, you attacked first.

Oops

They aren't for you, they aren't against you. They're just being who they are.

But you didn't know any of that

Until now.

You only had your own limited judgment, perspective, and experience. And you put total confidence in it.

You'll react differently the next time little green men in a spaceship with an "M" on the side appear. Your perspective has changed.

And in a lot of other ways you might decide to be a little more cautious about jumping to conclusions.

Perspective matters

Choose yours with patience and humility. Get all the help you can to make sure you know what you're seeing.

Save your energy for the real battles. There will always be plenty.

Do you argue with people in your head?

I do it often. Maybe not arguing as much as talking.

Almost always it's when I'm trying to understand where someone is coming from or convince them of something that I think they just don't get.

I think it's normal. It's part of your effort to understand it all yourself, to sort it out. It's like sifting -- you want to separate the big rocks from the little rocks and the sand. It takes time.

You can go too far with this

When I find myself repeating the same things over and over in my head, having the same conversation, making the same arguments, I know I'm crossing over to the dark side.

The dark side of control

"If I just think hard enough, talk to myself enough, work hard enough, I'll be able to make this thing I'm dealing with turn out the way I think it should. I'll understand. They'll understand. And I'll have peace."

Baloney

Those faux conversations are useful up to a point. They help you gain some perspective and insight, and they help you rehearse a real conversation. All good.

Problem is, it's NOT a real conversation. It's all just you.

You're imagining what the other person is thinking and saying. You're making it up! You don't really know!

And for me, I subtly transfer trust for the results away from God and to my own powers of logic and persuasion. 

When that conversation in your head starts repeating itself, that's the sign to

stop.

And trust

The mean man with the scissors

Three years ago I planted three knockout rose bushes under the front window.

They grew and bloomed right away. But they didn't get thick and bushy like I wanted and like I knew they could.

I don't want thin, scraggly knockouts. Maybe I planted them too close to the house. Maybe they don't get enough sun. They seem happy enough just to survive and show a few flowers.

But I'm not happy.

So I cut them back in March. Hard. Right when they were starting to bud. Cut them back to about a foot above the ground. I think it made them mad.

I heard them complaining: "What's up with that? You want flowers and now you're cutting them off?"

They recovered quick. Six weeks later, more buds. But still spindly.

I cut them off again. Not as hard this time. Just shaped them some.

Do you ever feel like someone's against you?

"This guy doesn't love us. This guy doesn't know what he's doing. This guy says he wants one thing and then he cuts off the thing he says he wants. You can't trust this guy. We're working our tails off here!"

But I do know what I want. I know what I see now and in the future. I know what I want these plants to become in this spot. It might not be what they expect. If I have to cut off what they've worked for and start over, I will. I chose these plants on purpose for this spot and I won't give up.

They don't know any of this. They think it's all about making flowers now and being like all the other knockouts even though their conditions are different. They just want to be left alone.

If they could pull themselves up and walk off, they would.

They can't.

But you can.

You can leave the job, leave the relationship, find a new church, give up the goal and the dream. You can look for ways to end the frustration of always getting cut off, always starting over. Haven't you done enough?

It feels mean. It feels like punishment. It feels like you've been forgotten and someone doesn't care.

It's pruning

It's love.

This isn't about being skinny

I tell my wife she looks skinny.

She tells me to shut up.

I say, "Here, let me take a picture." She's standing in the kitchen.

I take the picture with my phone. She looks at it and goes, "You did that with an app. You have a skinny app."

I know I have her now.

I say, "Here, take my picture and see if it looks like me."

She takes my picture. It looks like me.

I say, "So see, it's true, that's what you look like."

What do you refuse to believe about yourself?

Just because you've repeated something to yourself for years (good or bad) doesn't make it true.

Brutal reality has two sides. We usually major on facing one or the other.

Face both.

One side is that you ain't all that.

The other side is that inside you is the drive to create, contribute, connect, and leave a mark. But in a way that looks just like you.

It's hard to embrace your calling if you refuse to accept your gifting.