31 Days of Scary Hope (day 3) : People don’t change? Yes they do

Stories are the track record of hope in time and space. Here come some. To start at the beginning of 31 Days of Scary Hope : encouragement to go from IS to COULD BE, click HERE. To subscribe to automatically receive each day, click HERE. Other 31 Day journeys are HERE.

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“Lord, how long can she go on like this?”

For years I would lay on my back in bed next to my wife, with my arms raised straight up in the air like a dead horse, eyes open, praying through the ceiling. She was asleep and never knew.

Brenda lived an agitated, anxious life. You didn’t usually notice on the surface, but it was always there inside her like a distracting buzz.

At any time we all have several everyday issues we’re living with that are a potential source of anxiety: marriage, finances, children, work, friendships, expectations, health, self-esteem, desires, needs... These issues rotate, may be resolved, disappear for awhile, and return. New issues enter the rotation, and old ones dissipate. It’s part of life.

For Brenda, her soul seemed to say, “I can’t have peace until all that stuff is fixed.” Which is impossible.

Friends misunderstand you? No peace.

Pain or headache that lasts longer than a day? No peace.

Husband within twenty feet of a woman? No peace.

At every moment of every day, for twenty-five years, one or more of these words applied to her: jealous, insecure, argumentative, anxious. All under the surface, not yelling and screaming, but often busting out in ways that confused me, and always mixed with a gentle personality. Gentle and agitated; that was her.

She was a sweetheart and I loved her madly. Her suffering killed me.

One day I came home from work and she was reading a book. She held it out to me, pointed to a page and said, “Is this true?” It was something about the finished work that Jesus Christ accomplished on the cross, not just for heaven, but for here right now.

“Oh, yeah, that’s true.”

That was the moment everything changed

A supernatural peace was born in her. She became a woman of grace, instinctively trusting the sufficiency of Jesus Christ for everyday living. She had been a Christian for twenty-five years, but still believed there was something left undone in her. Then God personally showed her, in a way I don’t understand, that all her un-dones were done on the cross with Jesus; and she believed it.

That was thirteen years ago. Her life has not been the same since, and neither has mine.

The full story is something she’ll have to tell, and maybe she will during this 31 Days.

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The hope: yes, radical change happens

The scary: yes, you can go your whole life “like this.” And sometimes a long, long time of “like this” is a necessary part of the hope.

Comments

[Flyinjuju]

Came over from Emilys blog. The 3 things you pinpointed about your wife, friends, headaches, husband near women.... So me. Excited that God is leading me through this process now (in part from Grace for the Good Girl) glad to hear that victory/peace is possible. Thanks for sharing.

[Shelly Miller]

Love that you blog as well as your girls. So inspiring to see a family that makes a difference through words penned. Loved this story of the ah-ha moment. Gives hope.

[Joy Manoleros]

I came over from Emily's blog, too. This is a powerful testimony. Thanks so much for sharing it. Thank you wife, too. <3

[Carolyn White]

Thanks for posting. Hits home as myself, my husband and our marriage is going through a transformation right now. I found encouragement in this post....how quickly God can transform a situation when He knows the moment is ripe for it. May you be blessed today.

[PJ]

Hi, I loved hearing what it's like to be married to me.. . really. You're family is lucky to have you. And we're all glad you wrote it down. Now my scary is a little less so . . .

[Caitlinlittlejohn.wordpress.com]

Hi! I came over from Emily's blog :) I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this! I've just recently realized that I'm stuck in a place where deep down, I'm not believing or receiving the fullness of the Cross. Your post gives me hope that 1) I'm not the only one who has suffered with this and 2)I will overcome it in Christ! Blessings!

[Shelly]

I think my husband could have written this post almost verbatim. I am so glad to know I am not the only woman in this world that suffers these things. This has been my "aha" year. I love this " yes, you can go your whole life “like this.” And sometimes a long, long time of “like this” is a necessary part of the hope." it is so very true! Thank you for sharing your story!

[Lindsey van Niekerk]

Wow! This encourages me so much in this HARD season that I have been in.

Clinging to scary hope, AGAIN, today!

[Flower Patch Farmgirl]

Well, I just love this. "Her suffering killed me." This is powerfully written, all of it.

[Gracefullwomen]

I didn't discover this truth until I was about 43 and it set me free from being a people pleaser. Life has turned from a working, striving, pleasing mentality to a grace full, abundant life freedom. Thanks for sharing your story. Loved it and I'm so happy your wife found peace.

[RebekahLynn]

Thank you for sharing. I was re-reading some of Emily's posts looking for encouragement. I was feeling undone and like I couldn't find peace. Amazing that tonight I choose to click over from Emily's post. Praise God. Thank you.