Some people need to think and process before they speak. In a group, they don’t seem to have much to say. The conversation is bouncing around and they’re just sitting there. But they’re simmering, connecting the dots. However, by the time they’ve done some of that, the conversation has moved on. They can have something meaningful and helpful to say, but no one gets to hear it.
It’s a shame—the dynamic of how conversations often work (lots of people talking, topics evolving) has eliminated their contribution. You can conclude that they don’t have much to offer, but you’ll be poorer for it. Wise people in the group will pause before things move on and ask that person, “so what do you think?” and often you’ll be richer for it.
Some people think while they’re talking. They speak first, and lots, because they’re thinking, like we all are, and the thinking comes out. They’re processing out loud—it’s the rough draft that everyone gets to hear. They are very valuable—they help set the agenda and context for the conversation. But they can dominate and even be intimidating to others who have to work to find a pause to wedge into.
The think-before-speaking person will never interrupt the think-with-your-mouth person. Some might wish the mouth-thinker would hush, but you’ll be poorer for it. They force others to evaluate, and create time for them to do it silently while all the audible thinking happens. It’s a team effort.
Know the difference between these two types of talkers. Recognize that when you’re hearing the mouth-thinker, you’re hearing rough-draft stuff. Don’t hold them to it. Ask questions. Expect to hear some inconsistencies because they’re still in the process of thinking things thru—help them do it. Force them to summarize in one or two sentences and everyone will benefit, including them.
And before the conversation moves on, be one of those wise persons who asks the quiet one, “What do you think?”
