1. You're giving your opinion. Basically you're saying, I'd do it different. Even if you don't say so, when you say it's your opinion you acknowledge there can be different ways to look at it or do it, and that you might be wrong. You're saying you disagree, you think it's a mistake.
2. You're saying it's wrong. You come on strong. You're passionate, it's like it's a moral issue. You're saying in some things there's right and wrong and this is one of those things and you're wrong.
I think this gets mixed up all the time. I think people often mean #1 but come across as #2. This changes the whole way your criticism is going to be taken.
There are all kinds of implications when you come across as #2 -- implications the person you're criticizing has to fight thru to hear what you're saying. The main implication is this: I'm right! You're wrong! This is not my opinion and I don't have to worry about expressing this with humility, because I'm right. My judgment, my morals, my wisdom (at least in this) are superior to yours -- and if you disagree, you're proving it!
You would never say that and probably don't really believe any of that, but when your hearer adds up the score, that's what they can get. Is that what you want?
When you're convinced there's right and wrong at stake, humility might be even more important. With #1 it might come natural (after all, you could be mistaken). But with #2 humility is important so your message gets across without the distraction of you seeming arrogant. Besides, even with #2, you could still be wrong.
It's easy to know how to criticize -- just do it the way you'd want someone to do with you.
Comments