Part 12 of the story of how Gary's life changed. You could call it From Beer to Eternity. There might be 20 or so of these to make up the whole story. Links to other parts are on the right.
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Right away it seems strange to not drink, All the familiar cues are still there -- Marty and Joe and the Reds; the janitor lady before IU basketball games; any rock and roll song on headphones... There are dozens of cues that are married to the buzz of alcohol. And in a way, I have the urge.
But it's so totally out of the question that it's not a temptation. Several beers stay in the refrigerator for months, untouched. I finally throw them away
There's something about a closed and locked door that says, don't even bother. However, if it's cracked even slightly on the possibility, you'll do it. You can't resist. But it's like I'm dead to it. I drive past liquor stores; I'm with people drinking; I notice all the daily cues -- I don't care. I don't think about it.
It's not a commitment and I'm not doing it to make someone happy. It's not a temptation.
However, I do believe I can unbolt the door. I can open it up and give myself that choice again. I didn't take away the choice -- it was taken from me. I've been rescued. But I can still run back in the ocean and start drowning again. There is still potential to say, "maybe just this one time." I'm still an alcoholic.
Brenda's friends tell her not to get her hopes up, that I'll start back again soon. But I don't.
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