Why are kids so needy around mom?

You've seen it a million times.  With babysitter, or relative, or grandparents, or teacher, or sometimes even dad, the kids are reasonable and normal.  Suddenly mom shows up, and they break out into a neediness frenzy -- whining, hanging onto mom, crying for drinks and snacks...what happened?

Maybe it's that mom is 'Source Of Life.'  She represents the idea of ALL NEEDS MET!  She's always been that for them.  From the beginning, hunger, loneliness, discomfort, pain, fear, poopy diaper, have all been fixed by mom.  Not perfectly, but when they get fixed, she's usually the fixer.  

So when kids are around mom, expectations for needs-being-met are sky high.  Kids are suddenly aware of every single need they have. 

When they're not around mom -- expectations are lower.  If you go to an elementary school concert, you don't expect to hear Celine Dion.  And to kids, maybe that's how big the difference is between mom and everybody else. 

So it doesn't feel like it to mom, but sometimes all that needy, clinging, whining may actually be a compliment. 

Comments

[Janet Efird]

Thanks for this info.
It is probably my 32 year old son has come back home
Janet

[sherri]

I never thought of my kids' whining in this exact POV but I have considered their poor behavior when I'm around (as opposed to their better behavior for other care givers) as a compliment. The way I see my kids trust in my unconditional love. They know that no matter what they do or say I will still love and care for them. With other people, even people they know and love like their grandparents, teachers, etc., they can't quite count on that unconditional and everlasting love. It's as though they need to be on better behavior to have others accept them. I've talked myself into believing that my kids feel safe enough to be their most base selves around me. So when I pick up my kids for a visit to grandma's and my mom says for the nth time "They never act this way until you're here" I just smile inwardly and take it as testimony that my kids know I love them.