And her car has ants

Brenda and I sat down at Chili's for lunch Sunday, and while we waited for friends I called our daughter Emily just to say hi.  It started with "I'm not really having a good day" and then she basically gushed this (minus the underwear part, since I'm Dad).  Sometimes it makes you feel better to talk about it -- or write about it which she did that night:

GOOD MOM vs. ME

Ever feel like a really bad mom? I'm not talking jail time or anything. Just that feeling like there is a Good Mom somewhere out there who would never do or be what I do...or am.

Good Mom makes breakfast and smiles a lot. Good Mom always remembers to notice, compliment, and encourage. She is fun and funny. She plays polly pockets with pleasure and even makes suggestions for pretend scenarios to make the play go longer. Her patience is limitless and she never raises her voice. She wakes up early every morning and spends time with Jesus. She is consistent and kind. She makes cookies from scratch. She plays outside even when its really hot. She builds forts with blankets in the living room.

Her house is always clean, her produce is always fresh and she has a garden with flowers and vegetables. She can sing. She makes puppets out of socks. Her kids never watch tv because they are totally satisfied to listen to the riveting, captivating stories that their Good Mom makes up. Every night.

Full disclosure time. I haven't worn underwear in 2 days. Not because I just like to not wear underwear but because I haven't any that are clean. I haven't worn matching socks in 3 years. I pulled out 9 individual socks from my drawer the other day. Nine. All different. My one year old is in danger of being kicked out of the nursery at church. He bites. One of my 3 year olds has a really bad habit of talking back. A lot. Neither of my girls will let daddy help them brush their teeth without throwing a fit. It HAS to be mommy. I have had the same butter knife in my dishwasher for 2 weeks. Some unidentifiable food is stuck to one side. It's just too much to wash it by hand. My car has ants. Too many Chick-fil-a french fries.

I am distracted, discouraged, and maybe a bit lonely. I am in desperate need...mainly for patience...a patience that seems just out of my grasp, impossible to acheive. All things I don't like to admit, especially on a forum like this.

And so I sat tonight. With an intention to just "be still and know that He is God". I opened my Beth Moore bible study book (the study that I quit 2 weeks ago because I couldn't finish a weeks worth of study in a week and I didn't have a sitter for my kids anyway.) And there it was, 1 Timothy 1:16. And this is what He said to me:

Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I'm proof...of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off--evidence of his endless patience--to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.

My children are "right on the edge of trusting him forever". And by His Holy Spirit, He wants to display His unlimited, endless patience in me as an example for them. I don't know how He does it. But I do know this--that maybe instead of trying to be more like Good Mom, I could begin to let Jesus be Jesus in me.

Meanwhile, I'm going to find some clean underwear.

Comments

[Emily]

I needed that today. Thank you to the other Emily.

[Sharylee Zachary]

Dear Gary,

Please let your daughter know that her poem realllly made my day. And I am sure that it made many other mother's days, also.

I am 57 years old, a missionary in Alaska for 23 years (transplanted by God to NC 5 years ago), have raised and home schooled 3 daughters, and part of my assignment from the Lord is to encourage hurting women and mothers .... would your daughter allow me to use her poem to lift the spirits of women who are experiencing exhaustion and discouragement?

I truly enjoy your a.m. radio show. God uses you to help make my day start out well (I'm not a chirpy bird morning person by nature!)

Did I mention that the 23 years we were in Alaska, we were in Christian Missionary Radio?

God Bless You and Your Family Muchly,

Sharylee M. Zachary