How to get depressed

1. Don't get enough sleep for days and weeks at a time.
2. When you start feeling a little down, stay away from people and be alone with your own thoughts.  Don't help anyone or be involved in their lives.  Before you know it, you'll really start spiraling down.
3. Steer your inner announcer to carry on imaginary confrontational conversations with people.
4. Feel guilty about those imaginary conversations.
5. Feel sorry for yourself and so indulge yourself in too much TV or food (or bad books, magazines, websites, etc.)
6. Feel guilty about indulging yourself.
7. If a positive thought or feeling worms its way into your psyche, squash it!  Don't let it linger long enough to multiply, and definitely don't dwell on it.
8. Don't let yourself think this is just temporary.
9. Don't exercise any self control over what you think.  Make sure to convince yourself you have no control over your thoughts (except for #10).
10. Constantly tell yourself what a loser you are and every time more evidence pops up in your mind, embrace it. 
11. Procrastinate.  Don't do anything.  Freeze, veg-out.  Quit.  Give up.
12. Feel guilty about procrastinating & freezing-up.
13. Remember, guilt and shame are your friend!  Laughter is your enemy!
14. DON'T SING!
15. Stay away from the Bible, especially this, this, and this.  And here, here, here and here.  And under no circumstances believe this or this!

These have always worked for me. 

Comments

[Betty Duncan]

WOW, THIS IS RIGHT ON! THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT!