My friend wants to talk. He's heard me listen and sometimes share with others, and now he wants me to listen to him.
He talks about church. He's picky. But biblically picky. He just wants what the Bible wants in a church, at least as best he can tell about what the Bible wants. He's thought about it, prayed about it, listened to others and read what others have to say about church and what it should be.
Over about twenty years he's lived in several cities and has seen a bunch of churches and he's paid attention. He's taken it serious. and as a result has gained some opinions, or convictions, about what's important in what a church is and what it does and how it does it.
In fact, his "list" of what he's looking for is pretty meaty. It covers things like Christ-centered, Bible-centered, worship, preaching, evangelism, discipleship, elders and church government, the role of women, and positions on marriage and homosexuality. Traditional or rock & roll? Church plants or multi-site? People oriented or God oriented? Continualist or cessation? Covenant or dispensational? And there's more! Yeah, I'm not impressed, either, but see, he's thought about it a lot. Get him going and he'll talk your ear off on some of these.
He knows there's a lot of disagreement over what's most important. Those he reads and talks with don't agree. Any one of them, if you were in a certain church, would say, "how can you go there when they ____?" Some would say that about church A, some about church B, some C. But in every church you could be in, those someones would find some unbiblical "deal breaker" and be able to back it up. And my friend agrees with most of them. The last thing he wants is to be unbilbical.
And he's not picky because he's trying to get his needs met. He wants to serve and be used in people's lives, but he wants to be as compatible as possible with the church, so he can serve with a "clear conscience."
Did I say he's not in a church right now? Well he's in church, he just hasn't committed to one. Over the last six years he's visited about fifteen churches. He's committed to two, and stayed in one for two years but ended up not having a "clear conscience" about it. He almost committed to two others, but there were some things where he felt he wasn't in agreement enough to serve with, again, a "clear conscience." This guy's conscience must be world class!
I didn't have to tell him what all this means if carried to the end of his logic: It means in his large city with hundreds of churches, he can't find one "good enough" for him. It means Jesus has failed to "build my church" like he said he would, or it may mean my friend's standards are higher than Jesus'. It means he's not serving, has no connections, no church friends, that no one has spiritual authority over him, that he's not using his gifts in church. And that's biblical? He can have a clear conscience over that?
I didn't have to tell him he needs to decide as best he can where God would have him, and commit to it and serve. I didn't have to tell him that no one else knows him and his situation and his wife (who told him she was sick of his lists) like he does, and that no place is perfect and that no way everyone is going to approve, or understand, why you are where you are. And I didn't have to tell him it was pretty obvious he cares too much what he thinks some people might think.
I didn't have to tell him any of that because my friend is me, and he already knows it.
I did tell him he needs to stop talking to himself and DO something.
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This was written five months ago. My friend has now stopped talking to himself and is doing something.